Out beyond ideas of wrong doing and right doing there is a field. I'll meet you there. When the soul lies down in that grass the world is too full to talk about.
Rumi
When we pay attention, we see spiritual lessons, portals for awakening, showing up in our culture, in our every-day lives, and in dark times.
These days I’ve been reflecting on the message, we are all in this together, a message I hear often as a rallying cry for this moment in our collective history. In the midst of great confusion and division, we are reminded of our interdependence: we are reminded to watch out for each other; we are reminded how much stronger we are when we lift each other up and if we have any chance of coming out the other side of the existential issues facing us these days, we will honor our commonality and come together in ways that show we understand we share this one earth and all breath the same air.
I wrote about resilience last month; how vulnerability underlies our ability to be open and flexible and move with whatever life throws our way.
If vulnerability is the “starting” point of resilience, interconnectedness is the “culmination”.
I matter to you and you matter to me.
I am you.
I am.
Resilience is interconnectedness: the capacity (non-defensively) to stand on your own two feet, think for yourself, have a moral compass that digs deep, and be centered and not blown away when someone questions you, not even when public opinion questions your value or worthiness. The capacity to be alone, knowing full well you are living your life and no one can live it for you. At the end of the day; at the beginning of the day, you have yourself; no one can eat for you, no one can complete you and there is no one saving you from death. Here am I.
But that is only half the picture.
The other half is the capacity to work and play well with others. We are interdependent… everything is connected to everything else. Our safety and wellbeing are tied to each other. If "they" are not safe, there is no way that "we" can be safe. In a mutually dependent system, taking care of other people's safety is taking care of our own safety. To take care of their well-being is to take care of our own well-being. “They” pollute the air and “we” cannot breathe; “we” decimate the forests and “they” cannot breathe. Unconsciousness impacts us all.
Resilience is holistic – the physical and spiritual truth of our interconnectedness reveals the transcendence of any either/or ways of being and living. It is the field that Rumi points to. We are alone and we are all in it together.
It may look paradoxical to you, but it is not.
In fact, it is the very capacity to be alone that opens wide the capacity to love, to want the best for the other, to care how we impact others. It is simply true and worth checking out for yourself. A side-note here: It is important to be clear; I am not talking about a defensive, closed off alone, one that has come from hurt and disappointments. This is an open heart alone, a brave and clear recognition of your wholeness, of your all rightness no matter what. When we are capable of this being alone, we are capable of love, of sharing, of going into the deepest core of the other person, even people we might not know or agree with; of caring for our common home, our common planet.
This capacity for being alone allows the other absolute freedom, because you know that if the other leaves, you will be as whole as you are now. Your wholeness cannot be taken by the other, because it is not given by the other.
Again, it might seem paradoxical, but it isn’t . . . this capacity for being alone allows you to know real companionship, real give and take support, the very abiding connection we humans hunger for and need.
We are alone and we are in this together.
Every person, every animal, and critter; every tree and drop of ocean share just this one home. Recognizing our true nature, our unity, we, from a mature and aware heart deeply care for the well-being of all.
Our survival depends on being able to recognize this but, as we are so poignantly aware, we are taught behaviors that disconnect us from this recognition. In word and in deed we are taught the story of separation, the story of an “other”. We are taught to hold tightly to our way of life, to care mostly or only for the members of our family or tribe; that life is geared to winning and losing.
We do not need to learn compassion, or kindness, courage and generosity. We need to unlearn what we have been taught . . . what has blinded us from it. We need to unlearn the story of separation.
Life supports consciousness, openness, clarity. Life supports evolving consciousness and complexity – life on our planet began as hydrogen and look at the teeming diversity of life today. It is mind blowing. Each of our lives began simply, with a narrow consciousness of ourselves and the world around us. Life supports growing up, opening our eyes and ears, expanding our perspectives, physically and emotionally and spiritually. Our psyche is a storehouse for our ancestor’s experiences back to the beginning. We have the advantage of everything that came before informing this very moment.
We are vehicles for consciousness evolving, emerging. As always, life is moving, full of possibilities and potential. Breaking apart, coming together. As the pandemic spreads around the world a global consciousness is revealed, in some ways as never before. And now . . . there does seem to be open fertile soil for coming together for the good of all. May it be so.
When we take into serious consideration we are naturally open and compassionate; we see we have the potential, every time, for choosing love over fear.
For living from love instead of fear, Maslow’s hierarchy of needs is worth visiting or revisiting. The more we attend to our needs, our genuine needs that sustain life, the more natural it is to surrender our self-centeredness. Another seeming paradox, but it is not.
According to Maslow, seeking does not stem from lack of something, but from a desire to grow. (I would suggest a desire to remember our wholeness) Once these growth needs have been reasonably satisfied, one may be able to reach the highest level called self-actualization.
Maslow later added another need:
Transcendence needs - A person is motivated by values which transcend beyond the personal self (e.g., mystical experiences and certain experiences with nature, aesthetic experiences, sexual experiences, service to others, the pursuit of science, religious faith, etc.
Characteristics of self-actualizers
1. They perceive reality efficiently and can tolerate uncertainty;
2. Accept themselves and others for what they are;
3. Spontaneous in thought and action;
4. Problem-centered (not self-centered);
5. Unusual sense of humor;
6. Able to look at life objectively;
7. Highly creative;
8. Resistant to enculturation, but not purposely unconventional;
9. Concerned for the welfare of humanity;
10. Capable of deep appreciation of basic life-experience;
11. Establish deep satisfying interpersonal relationships with a few people;
12. Peak experiences;
13. Need for privacy;
14. Democratic attitudes;
15. Strong moral/ethical standards.
Behavior leading to self-actualization
(a) Experiencing life like a child, with full absorption and concentration;
(b) Trying new things instead of sticking to safe paths;
(c) Listening to your own feelings in evaluating experiences instead of the voice of tradition, authority or the majority;
(d) Avoiding pretense ('game playing') and being honest;
(e) Being prepared to be unpopular if your views do not coincide with those of the majority;
(f) Taking responsibility and working hard;
(g) Trying to identify your defenses and having the courage to give them up.
When we take into serious consideration the view of our world from outer space, we see a boundaryless unified whole, inhabited by complex and diverse life forms. We see OUR home, crying out for our loving response.
Perhaps the greatest gift you can give to this tired, splintered world is waking up to and moving from your fully realized (self-actualized) being.