If the falling of a hoof ever rings the temple bells,
If a lonely man's final scream before he hangs himself
And the nightingale's perfect lyric of happiness all become an equal cause to dance,
The Sun has at last parted it's curtain before you -
God has stopped playing child's games with your mind
and dragged you backstage by the hair,
Shown to you the only possible reason for this bizarre and spectacular existence.
Go running through the streets creating divine chaos,
Make everyone and yourself ecstatically mad for the Friend's beautiful open arms.
Go running through this world giving love, giving love,
If the falling of a hoof upon this earth ever rings the Temple Bell.
Rumi
Nothing short of a sacred marriage, a mystical union of god and human, wonder and grapple, animal energy and the exalted heart and mind will open our hearts and give way to us being okay with, at ease with, and even grateful for what we, in our minds, judge to be right or wrong, suitable or too dark to be talked about much less faced. Nothing short of transcendence will allow the curtains to part so we can know, truly know, the neutral open arms of that kind of love. The kind of love that parts the curtains and has you sincerely responding, instead of reacting, no matter what life is dishing out.
Throughout time, including present day, mystics and spiritual teachers have pointed to the reality of our deepest essence – our I Am-ness, the immeasurable and radiant holy that animates every one of us and every living thing. Mystics and spiritual teachers point to the seamless whole of animating awareness that surrounds and permeates all; that in its unbroken formlessness has no opposite, no outside, no inside, no beginning nor end – inviting those who have ears to hear what is most real.
Mystics and spiritual teachers point to awakening to that – awake to that which is beyond our humanity, beyond our limited understanding of who we are; who we think we are in terms of our ego selves, our temperament, personality, behavior or morality. Awake to what we truly are; to our delicious and natural being-ness.
But, often, much to our surprise, once we have fallen head over heels into the blissful spaciousness of our being, we discover we are really at a starting line, a wide open and undefined arising, a point that will, with no say or control on our part, expand and deepen . . . a call (truthfully, it is more like an insistence if we are humble and truly listening) to embodying all that has been realized.
Like the hero/heroine’s journey, once the treasure has been revealed, once the light shines its beacon illuminating what we truly are, we are brought back to where we started; we are invited into manifested I AM-ness, faced with our temperament, personality, behavior and morality but from a radically different point of view; from an ever increasing expanded and elevated loving, consciousness perspective.
We are called to an ongoing and embodied expression of our deepest realizations; embodied in our every-day life, in our human relationships, in the nitty-gritty difficulties of daily living. In the Gospel of Thomas, Jesus says, “Those who know the All yet do not know themselves are deprived of everything.”
With that being true . . . enter stage left . . . self-awareness.
Goodness has no counterpart. To know this, viscerally know this, asks us to pay close attention to our conditioned mind; to our assumptions and beliefs; to our patterns of behavior and motivations. The mystical journey is one of negation – it is an emptying out process, a clearing or sweeping of what it is not and preparing the ground for what is. Most of us consider goodness to be the opposite of bad, wrong . . . and even evil. Most of us believe we have to work hard to be good, to be loving, to be kind. When we live on the surface of our mind goodness feels like an achievement, a let’s-work-hard at this love thing.
We often do not trust goodness, much less have easy access to it in regular life, and yet it is through goodness that the divine reveals itself. We often do not trust divinity and, worried that there is something wrong with us we turn our heads and our hearts away from anything closely resembling the shadow side of our thoughts and behavior and can find ourselves feeling righteous when other people behave badly. We are confused about morality and we are confused about what we consider dark, ugly and frightening.
God (consciousness/awareness/presence) knows no morality – In the profoundest sense living an authentic, fully realized life has nothing to do with whether there is a desire to cheat on your exam in order to get into graduate school or a desire to drink a case of beer before visiting relatives you don’t like, or breaking promise after promise. Living a fully realized life does not mean hiding our bad habits nor behaviors that make us cringe; you know . . . the real wincey ones . . . like seeing our extreme self-centeredness, realizing we are taking advantage of or hurting others or not feeling empathic.
The real truth is God works in mysterious ways and as the Baal Shem Tov exclaims, “Let me fall if I must. The one I will become will catch me.”
Often, the portal into a deepening mystical union is through the darkness, the shadowy parts we do everything we can to get around. Imagine, if you can, feeling grateful for the light while the night is still dark.
Resistance
When Rumi points to responding to the sweetness and the tragic in the same way, I hear the sound and power of non-resistance. Not resisting what we want to avoid; in fact, turning towards the very resistance and the dark corners of our patterns, behaviors, thoughts and motivations that typically show up in the dark night of change, healing and the unknown. We resist changing because the old patterns are so familiar, even if they are self-limiting and harming or dysfunctional. We kid ourselves into believing it is better to stay with the well-known rather than venture out into the unknown.
I have a great deal of respect for resistance; it is often the cause of our suffering and it can reveal the place . . . the material that needs attention and opens doors to seeing our patterns. Rather than reacting, we are called to be curious towards it and explore this edge of fear. Noticing our resistance can be a game changer, showing us where to look and possibly heralding a breakthrough.
Resistance is manifested in the mind. It might show up through avoidance, making excuses and blaming (including self-blame). It might manifest as tension in the muscles and the heart and belly of the body. Resistance can show up in the densely energetic form of escape or distraction, rejection and denial of feelings, hot headed emotions, numbness and complaining, cajoling or persuading (again, including towards yourself).
And here’s a mind-twister. For most of us, distancing ourselves from our emotions, running away from our painful feelings, shuts out everything good as well – adding layers of more pain, confusion, suffering and separation. Numbing our pain removes us from goodness and love - the very essence of our being, the fruit of a sacred marriage, the moving beyond mind-made good and bad.
Through the power and clarity of non-resistance, through the softening of the rigidity within, through the spacious flow of open-hearted, open-armed seeing, we become receptive to the potential of transformation and the ongoing realization of our essential nature. The stillness of what is most real, most true . . . touches, moves and changes all form.
Through listening and understanding, love abounds, the situation will likely change and you will expand and grow, ever-more embodying the fullness of your being.
Devotion
Going back to Rumi’s poem at the beginning of this essay, I read ‘the sun has at last parted its curtain’ and I sink into what it feels like to be fully and sincerely devoted to being free, no matter what.
Whether it be devotion to mastering the piano, tending to a sick child, to a cup of tea with a dear friend, or devotion to loving the real with all our heart, mind, soul and body, that honest give-it-all-you-got attention and wonder. . . the deliciousness of curiosity and unhindered exploration; parts the curtains and grace takes over.
I love the word ‘devotion’. It has captivated me for most of my adult life, so much so that I find my heart and body opening – metaphorically standing with my arms wide open or prone flat on the ground. Devotion is commitment, sincerity, intention, foundational and poised in a certain direction.
Our souls, our intuition, our instincts, our small quiet voices call out to us – over and over and over again – talk about devotion. How do we connect to this place within us, this immeasurable call of the sacred?
Whether it is to realize or embody our natural being devotion shows up as an effortless but intentional orientation to our day-to-day life. Without contemplation, without conscious inquiry our conditioning is going to run on automatic pilot, falling into conditioned values, viewpoints and ways of being. Inquiry into what’s my life really about, what’s my foundation . . . we are called to be devoted to that in a sustained and deep way. What is it that you are devoting your life to – your very precious and finite time here – in the nitty gritty day to day living, what is important to you?
After awakening we are faced with a paradox: On one hand, the revelation of our true nature, once viscerally experienced, is complete in of itself and on the other hand, we, if listening closely, hear the wisdom of knowing there is more to come; there is always more to come.
With humility, we grow in trust and commitment to all that is real after an awakening, however strong the pull might be to feel good and deny our human messiness. Sages and mystics have been clear on the folly of putting our heads in the sand:
"If you bring forth what is within you, what you bring forth will save you. If you do not bring forth what is within you, what you do not bring forth will destroy you."
Jesus, The Gospel of Thomas
Bringing forth all that is within, integrating the dark and the light within will transform our whole being. Forget being a bystander; descend into your depths, face yourself, resistance and all. Forget judgments, fear, and shame, face yourself compassionately and wisely. Facing ourselves, resistance and all; facing ourselves compassionately and wisely, breaks us open wider and wider. Authenticity is felt as a sense of aliveness and acceptance for this life - in the midst of joy and anguish alike . . . in the midst of everything, no matter what. We feel open, undefended and intimately connected to our innermost Self. Then the sweetness, goodness, compassion and depth of the Self is reflected in our life and, effortlessly, benefits all beings.
“Breathing in and breathing out the one breath of the universe”
Hildegard of Bingen