And Now

Who looks outside dreams

Who looks inside awakens

                                                                                               Carl Jung

If you cannot go outside, go inside

Greetings to you all . . . from my stay at home to yours.  My heart is with every one of us connected to each other, whether we have met, talked remotely or come to each other solely through the written word. 

I want to especially reach out to those of you who are having a hard time with the way we are living right now.  My heart certainly goes out to you if you or a loved one is sick (or has died), if you are an essential worker who is in contact with others or you are finding ways to work from home and/or teach and entertain your children.  

I am keenly aware, though, how hard this forced isolation might be on many of you psychologically and emotionally.  If you and I were sitting across from each other (socially distant, of course;-)) I would want to know how you are feeling.  I would welcome an honest and real conversation – how is it for you these days?  The highs, the lows, and all the in-betweens. 

So much of the news speaks of folks finding creative and generous ways to deal with sheltering in place; it is often uplifting and inspiring to witness our resilience.  But we must also talk about how quarantine can be crushing, and how crises like this pandemic can and often do activate old traumas.  While it is essential we reach out and be kind to each other, being kind and loving to oneself (when that might seem impossible) is profoundly transformative and vital, possibly even more essential. 

Not only can these times be difficult but we also live in a society that prides itself on doing well (whatever that might mean) and feeling good. We often judge and divide emotions into good and bad, happy and sad.  Part of what makes this time so difficult to those who are feeling quite low is the “agreed upon” notion that it is not okay to feel sad or angry or overwhelmed.  Feeling low or out of sorts has even been seen as a failure.  And yet, quite often, chasing after happiness . . . wanting only positive feelings . . . allowing only feel-good feelings is a flight from depth, from our interior life and the suffering around us. 

 And, in the spiritual world, the small self, our functioning ego, our default position has often been vilified in one way or another.  There is nothing wrong with the small self.  We were born into history, to a mother and father or caretaker, a culture, a society, who told us who we are.  The small self has been doing what it was designed to do. And in times like now, when we are in a health and economic crisis, that very same small self is likely to step up to the plate, assuming the role of hero/heroine (in its’ eyes).  

 If everything comes from the same source . . . everything and everyone is a manifestation of that singular source, is the small self not sacred?  Are we not missing something important when we deny what we don’t like or feel ill at ease with?

One thing seems for sure these days – we cannot get away from ourselves.  For better or worse, in sickness and in health.  Even as we home school our kids, even as we work from home, even as we take our temperature, even as we go to the grocery stores . . . it is as if we are in a meditation, there is no escaping “me”.  The thoughts in our heads; the pull of our hearts, and in many cases our psychological patterns and the original wounds of trauma showing themselves in bold relief; , signs of PTSD, loneliness, helplessness, abandonment, and depression – so understandable in the midst of the whole world turned upside down. 

It is not uncommon when present day catastrophes trigger old wounds.  

What if this upheaval could be a time of radical transformation?  What if we have the opportunity to bring old and deep wounds to the light of day with compassion – maybe even parts of ourselves that have not been accessible before, have been hidden in a cave, desiring to be revealed?  What if this enormous shift in our daily lives is revealing aspects of denied shadow material that longs for our attention, for present day attention - for kind and unconditional attention? 

If you are in pain these days, be gentle with yourself.  In many ways, human kind is at a crossroads right now and real human transformations are honest, raw, ugly, hopeful, frustrated, beautiful, and divine.  Transformation calls for great courage. 

Paradoxically, there is a sweetness in pure sadness and grief and loneliness, emotions born of empathy and solidarity.  As physical pain alerts us to something being amiss that needs our attention, sadness and grief can be a sign you care.  Loneliness can be reminding you that your natural state is connected in spirit, that you are not separate.  And overwhelm?  Well, this pandemic and financial crisis is overwhelming, no covering that up with wishes to feel alright or drum up some false sense of control will change that reality.  

 We are not yet completely sure how the virus will move or be a thing of the past, much less what our life, our perceptions, our world, our finances will look like when we are freer to move about.  Will we even shake hands again, go to the movie theatre and sit next to dozens of people; will we kiss a friend on the lips again or will we adopt new ways of greeting.  We are in the midst of goodbyes . . . without even knowing fully or partially what we are losing.  We are in the midst of missing simple things – meeting with friends for a meal; going to the grocery store on a whim, card games with grandparents . . . ordinary moments we might have taken for granted before the virus. 

 Perhaps this is a good time to set aside self-imposed pressures.  Pressures to be a certain way, to achieve and accomplish, to be on top of things, to be productive, or perfect, to be seen by others as (fill in the blank). We are in the midst of profound change so why not allow yourself the freedom to be just as you are – and listen to your heart.  Are you inclined to exercise, to sit still? Meditate, meet your shadow, wash the dishes?  Stay in bed and read all day?  Think differently, play more, listen more deeply?  Can this be a time of depth; there is more time alone, a potentially sacred vessel for self-love, for realization.  

 Real human transformation is slower than society is used to. Be slow. Let go of the crazy notion that superficially and quickly changing how you think about things, all will be well. Let the new way of living distract you from your desire for the status quo, from wishing it would be over and done with–turning, instead, to your authentic, real experience, right here, right now.  Let it change how you deeply think and how you see the world.  What if this tragedy tore down your faulty assumptions about yourself, became the soil of healing and gave you the courage of bold self-love, of bold compassion for all? 

I sense this time as an opportunity to enter consciously into deep silence.  As we temporarily halt our striving and re-connect to our deepest beauty and life-affirming sanity.  As we keep quiet and open to knowing ourselves anew.  As the world is upside down, so are we . . . so as you hang upside down, why not allow all the old stones (conditioned mind and false beliefs) fall out of your pockets.  

Embrace, consciously and intentionally, your most real self . . . know yourself as real, as what is true, not bound by fear or conventions.  Allow yourself to be known and seen, through and through. 

 In stillness, everything is beautiful, everything is unified and everything is known.